We Can't Sit Still

6th period...

Student A: ::Shakes body with ruler in hand as if he's having a seizure::

Student B: ::Tapping ruler on desk::

Student C: ::Whistling::

Student D: ::Grabs student B's pencil to play keep away::

Student B: ::Stops taping ruler to retrieve pencil::

Me, thinking to self: "I can't believe I have to live through 5 periods worth of freshmen doin' this type of thing every day." So I voice: "Man, you freshmen got so much energy. I can't match it everyday."

Student C: "Yeah, it's like we in kindergarten."

Me: "Yeah, I agree.... cept, the thing about kindergarteners... at least they're cute."

Student D, directing comment to Student C: "OoooooOooo, Mr. G just called you UGLY!"

In response, Student C: "Yeah, you too."

Gotta love them kids

After being verbally harassed by the creator to post, I've decided to share my best conversation I've had with my kids this year. Mind you, not a single adult that I meet believes that I'm out of high school, let alone teach them yet in spite of my boyish looks, all my students believe I have a wife and several kids (neither which are true...yet).

Student A: Do you want to have kids?
Me: Uh...
Student B: No, Mr. Kwok don't have kids. He sees us and dont wanna have kids no more.

Student B later on: The only reason why I'd want to have kids is so I can whoop them.

Needless to say, I could not stop laughing. Made me also rethink if I do want to have kids and whether I'd whoop them...

"He's at least 30, yo"

Marcus's hand shot up a little bit too quickly and at too odd a time for his question to be about today's lesson. I was expecting "When do we get out of here?" or "Can I go to the bathroom?" Instead, he paused for a moment and smirked. "How old are you?"

I'm the world's worst liar, and I'm 22 years old. You can read my facial expressions like a book, so I had a lot of fear in that moment that my whole house of cards was going to come tumbling down in front of me. I wasn't having a particularly strong sales moment, so I cracked up for a second and continued teaching without answering. Of course, that invested every other student in the class in the answer to this question.

"42!" (I don't think that one was serious.) "34!" "25!"

"Nah, he's at least 30, yo."

Clearly I wasn't getting out of this without an answer. My internal random number generator landed on 27. "27 - now Marcus, remind me how to test if a relation on a graph is a function," I said.

They totally bought it. The grumblings I heard afterward were that I was lying and lowballing my age.

Lessons:

1) Continue wearing a tie. Backwards hats cut your age by 15%, and ties apparently inflate it by 30%.

2) Kids are pretty gullible. I'm on the lookout for strategies to positively exploit this more.

Entiendo

For background & reference, check the post "Never Have an Argument with a Student Ever Again."

Earlier today, a dialogue:

S1: Can I just sit here for the day? Please Mr. G; I promise I'll be good. Please?

Me: I understand, but I need you in your seat.

... and, thus, we play the game I've grown to understand some kids just NEED sometimes, until he finally moves...

S1: But I don't want to sit here. I don't do well in the front.

Me: I understand, but this is your seat. And, like everyone else, I gotta have you in your seat.

S2: Haha. G, why you always saying "I understand" for?

Me: Yo entiendo.

S2: Huh? What's that mean?

Spanish speaking S3: "I understand."

You've just been schooled... son.

Mr. G. has vented to me about J's misbehavior on several occasions. When I work with J, I see a kid that knows the material. He usually does his class work, but I can't get J to do anything that he doesn’t want to do. J has a restless mouth.

W is another story. He is also loud, disruptive, and attention-loving, but W is short. In fact, he overall looks and acts much younger than the rest of the kids in the class, even though they are all the same age. W is a nice little example of the "Napoleon complex". W has restless feet.

W looks up to J (so to speak). W only commits to good behavior when J leads by example. J is a leader. W is a follower (so much for Napoleon). Neither listen to the teacher. Both are smart students who have shown me that they can do the class work on their own. J is a bully, instigator, and sometimes a disruption in class while W is easily antagonized and always a disruption in class.

All throughout class, both W and J were being disruptive - separately.

J was sitting in a desk at the right-most column and in the middle row. He was dutifully taking notes and doing the class work, but he had a side comment for everything the teacher said. If J didn’t have a comment, then he would instead (loudly) repeat the last three words of each of the teacher's sentences. J is attentive, but annoying. The teacher stopped the lecture several times to ask J to stop talking (to no avail).

Today, W was sitting in the back row in the middle column. W stood up several times to sharpen his pencil, to find a piece of paper, to blow his nose... and more, but I lost track of the excuses that he found to walk around the classroom. Classmates don't bother J, but gladly tell W when he needs to shut up (also to no avail). Today, he made loud, squeaky noises with his rain-soaked sneakers.

J annoys the teacher to make his classmates smile; W smiles when his classmates are annoyed.

W and J start talking to each other from halfway across the classroom. I quickly toggle between speakers: Mr. G, J, Mr. G, W... My mind races: Am I an observer? I teacher? A tutor? A disciplinarian? For now, I'm idle, lame, slightly confused, and very inexperienced.

J: “W, why are you always walking around?”
W: “Man, don’t worry about it!”
J: “You should just do your class work!”
W: “You don’t do your class work!”
J: “Yes I do! I don’t do my homework, but I do all my class work and my notes. And I have a good grade because of it.”
W: “Well, I’ll just do my homework because then my mom can help me on it.”
J: “Man, bring your mom in here, and I’ll do an entire assignment faster than you and your mom.”

[Teacher interrupts these two, writes a check mark next to their names which are already written on the board from their first individual disruptions. Name on the board = their first official warning. The check mark now means that they each owe the teacher one minute after class. J and W continue their, conversation though.]

W: “Shut up, son, my mom is smart”
J: “Who you be callin’ ‘son’?”
W: “You, son!”
J: “Man, how ‘bout you pass this class first, and then you can call me ‘son’!”

[Teacher writes another check mark next to J's name, and the two finally end their conversation.]

Mr. G. actually had no idea that this conversation took place. W's verbal smack upside his head by J went unrecognized by the rest of class. If I weren't idle, lame, slightly confused, I would have shook J's hand. And then I would have told him to please shut up during class.

As I thought over my shoulda-woulda-coulda's J tauntingly shook his wet umbrella in W's face. Teacher holds W back before W could take a swing at J. Yeah right W, would you really have taken J?

Is teaching my destiny?

Today my principal said, "You think you're going to be a lawyer or a doctor, but you're going to be the most amazing principal ever! Except better because I'm going to get better and I'm going to tell you about all my mistakes and what to do to avoid them!"

And how did I respond?

Me: "I know...I know...I want to be you sometimes."